Happy Birthday to Britney Spears, Lucy Liu, and ME!  Although I don’t really plan on celebrating this year, I still thought I’d pull a Maria, and share my Birthday wish list.  Based on my selections, you are probably envisioning me as a cross-dressing grandpa who likes to take photos and stare at manatees.  You are basically correct!

1. Anthropologie Tick-Tock Cardigan.  I actually almost bought this for myself, but the only size left was too big on me.  I wear a lot of cardigans, and lately I’ve been trying to diversify so my cardigan collection doesn’t look Mr. Roger’s (who, by the way, wrote 200 songs during his career!).  This cardigan actually (sometime during the last half an hour?!) just sold out, but there’s another cardigan that is identical. (Albeit, a different name and more expensive.) Anthropologie, $60 before…but now $118

2. I like boat shoes, because I think they are funny and make me feel like an old, grumpy man.  I own a pair of blue patent boat shoes, but they aren’t the best quality, and they’re falling apart.  These Sperry Top-Siders are more durable than my last pair, and they’re red!  6pm, $44.85

3. KIVA gift certificates!  KIVA gift certificates are perfect for holiday gifts (or birthday gifts).  You can designate the amount (as little as $25!), and the recipient gets to pick who to fund.  Kiva

4. Every Monday is more pleasant with Gossip Girl.  Anticipation builds up throughout the Monday workday, and I leave work in a better mood.  I usually don’t have the patience to endure spoiled rich kid drama, but Gossip Girl is different.  The dialogue is hilarious and charming, which I discuss to great deal on gmail with my friends- concurrently, while watching the show.  And all of us are no longer in high school or college.  Amazon, $36.99

5. Even though I’m not in NYC, I am fairly well versed in New York happenings.  My homepage is the NY Times, and I read New York Magazine and Gawker daily.  I also like drinking tea and reading the New Yorker.  New Yorker subscription for me (please)! Subscribe here, $39.95

6. I don’t know much about SLR cameras, and don’t really own a camera (other than a camera I got 8 years ago), but I’ve been dreaming about getting an SLR for a long time.  I really enjoy taking photographs, and I’m excited to think of all the adventures I could document with a fun camera.  I’ll probably end up buying one for myself soon.  Birthday/Christmas present for myself?  Sounds okay to me.  Canon Rebel XSi w/ lens, $639

7. I don’t know how I picked it up, but “good grief” is definitely part of my daily vocabulary.  This scarf is ideal for my neck.  Fred Flare, $24

8. The most pleasant thing that I have inherited from the previous tenant (sorry! not the mix cd with Limp Bizzzkit!), is a catalog subscription to Williams-Sonoma.  Ha!  The most recent catalog advertises a wonderful 3-D BEAR CAKE PAN.  When I went to investigate it online, I noticed an even more wonderful surprise.  A GIANT 3-D CUPCAKE PAN.  Instead of filling the icing mold with cake batter, you can pack ICE CREAM in the mold, thus resulting in a GIANT. ICE CREAM. CUPCAKE.  Note the picture above!  Magical.  Williams-Sonoma, $36

9. A MELODICA!  Aka the most glorious, dazzling instrument other than the ukulele.  It is like playing a keyboard, and tooting a kazoo, AT THE SAME TIME. Try to fathom THAT!  Musician’s Friend, $35

10. I love manatees.  I have even discussed my attraction to manatees before.  On the WWF website, you can even adopt a manatee!  If you choose the $50 or $100 option, the WWF will give you a plush manatee!  Not so fond of manatees?  Whale shark fan, perhaps?  There are over 90 species you choose to adopt.  WWF, $25/$50/$100

11. I like pens, stationery, and crafting send-worthy letters.  I have been dreaming about getting a WAX STAMP for a long time, because when I think of wax stamps, I think of Thomas Jefferson and his tight glasses.  I always thought that using wax stamps would be difficult, but then I noticed that Paper Source sells wax sticks that can be used like glue sticks!  You just have to squirt a puddle of wax, and stamp!  Paper Source, $6.80 for the wax, $9 for the seal

12. Argyle socks!  My favorite!  I have a hard time finding ones that I like (preferably blue and green), so I had to settle for the weird color assortment above.  Joy of Socks (heehee), $7.50

Note: The middle picture is the cake my friends made me last year.  A glowing T-Money cake.  No, I do not know how I received that nickname.  The candles make the cake worthy of a being in a Darkness music video.  Below is a picture of the cake, unlit.

I love mail.  Especially, you know, those days when YOUR-OFFICE-COFFEE-MUG-THAT-YOU-HAD-TO-USE-SINCE-YOU-FORGOT-TO-WASH-YOUR-TIGHT-MUG-TIPS-OVER-IN-YOUR-BAG-AND-RUINS-YOUR-RECENTLY (5 MINUTES PRIOR)-OBTAINED-NEW-YORKER-RESULTING-IN-A-PUCKERED-MESS.  Those days.

Then, you receive a wondrous package full of marvelous treasures.  Which leads to a (non) ostentatious yelp: “SCORE! I’M LOVED!”  As a result, everything seems right in the world again.  At least for the next five minutes, before the euphoria wears off.

1.  Sneakers!  I’m grateful to be in a situation where I am both debt free, and have no major expenses (babies, mortgage).  This is how I rationalize owning four (now five) pairs of sneakers.  I have always wanted metallic shoes; The origins of this desire are dubious.  I do, however, like shiny things.  I wanted metallic shoes so badly, that I even considered purchasing my first pair of Converse.  Only the metallic silver.  Ultimately I vetoed that idea, because I refuse to spend $70 on Converse.

I first found out about TOMS a couple of years ago, and since then, I toyed with the idea of getting a pair.  After all, for every pair of TOMS purchased, a needy child gets a pair of TOMS.  This is documented on YouTube HERE.   FURTHERMORE, I wear Vans because I am lazy, and TOMS are also shoelace-less.  THEN, I found out that TOMS come in GLITTER.  After consulting with a few people, I ended up choosing the gold.  And I got them on sale.  Obviously, it was destiny to get gold glitter TOMS.  When I received them, I was surprised because they have a PLUSH, LEATHER SOLES.  On an “arch-support” scale, TOMS falls in between PUMAs (extra support) and Vans (no support).  Perfect!   I am very obsessed with my luminous feet, and whenever I wear them, I find myself compulsively looking down.  I guess I’m afraid that one day I’ll look down, all the glitter will have fallen off, and I will be overcome with clouds and lightning bolts. So far, my feet are still as lustrous as San Diego.  (PS- If you decide to get TOMS, don’t believe reviewers on Zappos and Amazon, etc.  Like the TOMS website notes, the sneakers fit true to size.  Misled, I thought they would run small (one of the reasons why I chose the gold over the silver).  On the contrary, they are quite roomy and stretch-out.  Yes, the pictures above are of my actual TOMS (and my feet).

2. Recently, I’ve been listening to the Smiths.  A lot.  Morrissey’s voice is as soothing as those baby stuff animals that play waterfall sound bites.  Simile with Morrissey? I just made one.

3. I made diet coke cupcakes for the first time (in a LONG time).  Almost a year?  I’m not sure.  For those of you who don’t know what I’m talking about, you mix a can of diet coke with a box of cake mix.  Pour the batter into cupcake sleeves, and bake according to instructions.  Voila!  Potentially less calories.  Except, I put a lot of icing on my cupcakes.  And sprinkles.  When I used to bake these, I would share them with everyone.  Now I have no one to share them with, so I’ll probably end up eating 20+ cupcakes.  Womp womp.

(CLOSE-UP!)

4.  OH MY GOODNESS.  A couple weeks ago, JetPens sent me a yellow orange body, blue ink Zebra Airfit Jell Gel Ink Pen.  Since then, I’ve been testing it- doodles and such.  As illustrated above, I even *chronicled* every time I used this pen from 10/28-11/6.

It is the best 0.5mm pen that I have ever used, and it is the third best pen that I’ve ever owned.

I usually find 0.5mm to be too thick, but this pen is exceptional.  The tip is incredibly precise- no chunky gel blobs at all.  Crisp lines all the time.  I even subjected the pen to a smiley test (pass), squiggle test (pass), and water-boarding test (SURPRISINGLY, PASS.  The ink did not even bleed, despite all the water droplets that I flung at the paper.  I included a scan of my water-droplet test results below.  The paper was kind of wrinkly, but the ink didn’t even quiver a little.  ALSO OF NOTE:  I accidentally spilled coffee on my test sheet today, and the ink still held up.  What a trooper.)

In additional to performing well, the Zebra Airfit is impeccably designed.  Did the name sound suspicious to you? Well, the pen grip contains AIR POCKETS, so your fingers never get sweaty.  I even drew a cross-sectional view of the grip!  This is the pen’s official description on JetPens:

The Zebra Airfit can be found all over Asia, but it is strangely hard to find in the US. It is one of the more popular pens because of its comfortable rubber grip, binder style clip that allows it to be attached to thicker objects, and ergonomic body shape. This new fine tip 0.5 mm gel Airfit pen gives you smooth writing satisfaction. Like the pilot AirBlanc, the grip also has a layer of air between the rubber grip and the body of the pen to allow heat conduction from your fingers. Perhaps it’s because of the hot weather in Asia, but cool hands seem to be an important factor in Japanese pen design! Yes, we guess this can make a great companion during first time job interviews.

I may not be interviewing for any jobs right now, but sometimes crosswords can be stressful.  “___Thurman, ___Thurman, Crap!  How come I can’t remember her first name?!”  This whole scenario is highly ficitious (GATTACA *is* one of my favorite movies, and I’d never forget Uma), but at the moment I can’t think of any other crossword clue examples.  My only complaint in regards to the grip, is that like other rubber grips, it easily attracts dust.  Finally, the clip mentioned in the description?  It is honestly HUGE.  Basically a clothes pin tacked on to a pen.  Delightful!  JetPens (Available in blue/white/light blue/pink/yellow barrels with blue/black/blue-black/red ink refills, $4.50)

5. Approximately two months ago, S&D interviewed The Bubble Process- A tight poster printing duo that is composed of two males of outstanding moral fiber.  Just last week, The Bubble Process released a dazzling new Girl Talk poster.  One of the best shows I ever attended was a Girl Talk show the week of Halloween 2xx6, in a shitty/shifty Ithaca bar.  If you have never seen him before, I highly recommend that you find tickets (They’re hard to find these days!  He is in high demand!).  To fully enjoy Girl Talk, you must let yourself get swallowed by the undulating body slamming, and embrace the lovely diaphoresis.  It makes the post-Girl Talk extra large pop more satiating.  I am infatuated with this poster, because it embodies Girl Talk.  I love the juxtaposed gumball machine and crystal ball, and the turban’d man overprinted on the wild purple-people.  So visually engaging! I’m enraptured! The Bubble Process, $20